Backwaves #1 - Part 2

SWEATIN’ TO THE OLDIES 2

1990, 60 MINS.

To quote the man himself, “LET’S. SWEAT. AGAAAAIINN!!!” This STTO is the most comprehensive, featuring cardio, toning and ab work.

SET: 90s does 50s diner. Kind of like the diner from Ghost World but with neon lights that burn your brain.

RICHARD’S OUTFIT: Blue and white striped shorts with a blue tank-top that says U.S.M.A on it, above a crest of sorts. Not very sassy at all!

THE ROUTINE: Sexiest warm-up of all time! “Fever” gets it going right from the start. The dude with the motorcycle from Sweatin’ 1 makes another appearance, this time in a car, for “My Boyfriend’s Back”. That song is fun, but I often get distracted because that blonde woman is lip-synching SO HORRIBLY. It actually makes me want to smack her. The cardio fun continues for “Windy”, which has some super fun arm circles. You’ve got to be careful for that one though because if you’re in a tiny space you will end up smacking something. After “Windy” we are treated with a stunning rendition of “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by one of the exercise participants herself. How clever! Things get even cleverer when an Elvis impersonator comes out for “Jailhouse Rock”. He is wearing fugly pleather pants and doesn’t really look like Elvis. “Jailhouse Rock” seems never-ending, but all the clapping sure is fun. The world would definitely be a better place if there was more clapping. “Summer In The City” turns the work-out weird, as they all do pelvic thrusts and simultaneously moan.  For the toning part (“Rescue Me”), Richard basically tricks you into doing a gazmillion crunches. Feel the burn! That one’s followed by what is, quite possibly, the only upbeat and not totally pseudo-spiritual cool-down.

EXTRAS: The wardrobe department really had fun doing this one. My favourite people are the woman who is wearing head-to-toe pink and grey camo and the woman who is working out in a skirt, of all things. Also, special mention to the woman whose jean short overalls say “ROCK!” and have a guitar on them in what appears to be puff paint. I want ‘em. Also, during the final weigh-in/stroll/dance-off after the work-out, it says that some guy lost 704 pounds! I don’t know if this is a typo or not but in either case, you go Michael!

BEST LINES: “SHAKE THAT ARM AND SHAKE SOME OF THOSE FAT CELLS RIGHT OFF!” Also, “GUESS WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO SLAP? THE KNEES!” and the ridiculous “DADDY! DADDY! DAAAADDDDYYYYY!!!!!!”

SWEAT-A-BILITY: Quite sweatable, if you’re trying. I did it with my mom one time and she said that it was lame. However, if you really push it, you will feel the endorphins practically rushing to your brain. JEEZ, MOM!